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Habits of Unhappy Cops

BY MICHAEL WASILEWSKI AND ALTHEA OLSON

An article appeared last month brilliant in its combination of simplicity and wisdom. We found it shared and re-shared on social media, and were struck by the intelligence and clarity the author used in simplifying such a large and pervasive problem in so many peoples’ lives.

“The 7 Habits of Chronically Unhappy People” by Tamara Star, a popular speaker and writer, has been featured on a number of sites and blogs since, getting well-deserved attention and hopefully opening eyes and spreading insight. If you’ve not yet read it, you should. To summarize, Star’s 7 Habits are:

1. Your default belief is that life is hard.

2. You believe most people can't be trusted.

3. You concentrate on what's wrong in this world versus what's right.

4. You compare yourself to others and harbor jealousy.

5. You strive to control your life.

6. You consider your future with worry and fear.

7. You fill your conversations with gossip and complaints.

These made an impression on us in another important way, too. Their universality applies to people from all walks of life, certainly across all professions, but we saw in them a clear explanation of why so many police officers are cynical and unhappy. That they reinforce and reiterate so much of what we've written about, in a simple, easy-to-digest format, is a plus.

And so, with a gracious tip of the hat to Ms Star, we've adapted her list to the…

The 7 Habits of Chronically Unhappy Cops

Believing that life is hard

According to Star, “Unhappy people see themselves as victims of life and stay stuck in the ‘look what happened to me’ attitude versus finding a way through and out the other side.” The default for some, mainly because it’s easier than accepting personal responsibility to confront or digging oneself out of the problems they face, is to simply embrace a sort of modernist fatalism.

True adherents of the philosophy might at least be admired for their stoicism, but that’s really not a trait of the “Life is Hard” crowd, is it? In truth they’re unhappy but weighed down by ennui or fear; it’s easier than trying, though.

We all know these officers. Stuck in a rut they hate but refuse to escape, never disappointed for they never aspire, and blaming it all on the inevitability of their own mediocrity. Life is something that happens to them, and if it’s hard and they’re unhappy, well, what are you gonna do?

Believing most people can't be trusted

Healthy cynicism and a keen sense of the evil mankind is capable of is critical to a police officer’s success and survival. It’s when no one is trusted, no one receives the benefit of any doubt, and the bar to trustworthiness is set so high virtually no one can be deemed “safe” that cynicism has gone too far, and the officer’s relational world suffers.

All but the rarest of us are social creatures, needing human companionship and, yes, trusting relationships to feel fulfilled. What happens with far too many cops is this: Having immersed themselves in a world where people cheat, rob, mistreat, and sometimes grievously hurt or kill each other as a matter of course, the officer sees nothing else. Everyone is a threat, working an angle, or bound to disappoint. Unable to relax, seeing danger around every corner, and shrinking from most social contact is a dangerous, sad, unhappy place to be.

Happy people – and happy cops – are not oblivious but they are willing to risk. And sure, people disappoint but, if the hurt is not too great, they can be forgiven.

Concentrating on what's wrong in this world versus what's right

Unhappy cops see crime rates growing out-of-control in an increasingly violent world at home, and global threats beyond our shores jeopardizing our very survival as a nation and species. They see kids and young adults as more disrespectful and less well-educated than ever before and, even if we’re not all murdered in the streets or taken out by Al Qaida, ISIS, or the next great evil from across the sea, they will surely run our nation and world into the ground and leave us soon-to-be geezers munching on the generic cat food at our fourth-rate retirement homes.

Happy cops enjoy a sense of perspective!

They know crime rates are actually at historic lows, and especially violent crimes (though the still violent are truly and remarkably violent!). The world has always faced the dangers of the mad and ambitious, but when was the last time you considered nuclear annihilation a real possibility (sure, it’s still possible but would be a really terrible business decision; computer viruses are as likely to be the weapon of choice the next time a couple major powers tangle). And although they are more than a little sheltered and far from perfect, kids today are scary smart. Trust them in the long haul (but definitely keep an eye on ‘em!). And just look at the wealth of technology and knowledge we have at our fingertips. Overall, we’re probably going to be just fine.

Comparing themselves to others and harboring jealousy

Star points out “Unhappy people believe someone else's good fortune steals from their own. They believe there's not enough goodness to go around and constantly compare yours against theirs. This leads to jealousy and resentment.”

Look around your department at the cops harboring resentment and jealousy. Who complains about assignments they’ve never gotten, counts the favors that have gone to others, and derides the successes of others, attributing them to “ass-kissing,” “sleeping her way to the top,” or mere luck? How happy are those officers? Jealousy masks great disappointment.

Striving to control their lives

In contrast to the fatalism of those in the “Life is Hard” camp, another subset is the hyper-driven, Type A+++ cop. Refusing to yield any control, relax, or place trust in anyone else, these buzzing high-tension wires in human form place tremendous pressure on themselves to find perfection.

Trouble is, finding perfection is exhausting… and impossible. Perfectionists are rarely happy and, even if they capture a fleeting moment, it can’t last and the cycle begins anew.

Occasionally letting go of control is freeing. Allowing for imperfection broadens horizons. Being “good enough” in some things, or even being willing to not be good at all, makes for a much more interesting world.

Considering the future with worry and fear

All of us experience fear and worry, and appropriate fear is important for cops who’d like to come out the back end of a 20-30 year career more or less intact. When fear permeates everything, becoming paralyzing or occupying far too much of our time and mental energy, it’s become too much.

Cops need to visualize what they fear, and then mentally rehearse to overcome it. This is healthy. So is knowing what could happen in any given situation and building confidence to meet the challenge. Seeing only what could go wrong, however, and losing sight of the fact that it almost certainly won’t, is a recipe for unhappiness. Expect the expected, while being prepared for the unexpected, is a better approach, and one more likely to make keep you happy.

Filling their conversations with gossip and complaints

Star wrote, “Unhappy people like to live in the past. What's happened to them and life's hardships are their conversation of choice… Happy people live in the now and dream about the future. You can feel their positive vibe from across the room. They're excited about something they're working on, grateful for what they have and dreaming about the possibilities of life.”

We’ve heard it said “it’s a cop’s prerogative to bitch,” and it sometimes seems most of us are taking full advantage of the entitlement. The problem, however, is that it gets old pretty quick, and venting is really less about “blowing off steam” and does little more than accentuate and reinforce negativity.

We all have plenty of genuine gripes, and sometimes voicing them is an impetus to seeking help and finding solutions. We need to know which battles to fight and what to let go, however. Happiness is found in both letting go and focusing on thoughts and words that are hopeful and forward moving.

Happiness is not only reflected in the habits, actions, thoughts, beliefs, and words you choose, but positively influenced by them. Identify the habits of unhappy cops in yourself today, and see if consciously and deliberately replacing them doesn’t make a huge difference.

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Having A Third Person in the Interview Room

By John Reid & Associates

Privacy is considered the single most important psychological factor contributing to the success of an interview or interrogation. This is something we each inherently recognize. For example, if a man wanted to discuss marital problems with a close friend, he would not meet his friend at a crowded bar to discuss this sensitive topic. Rather, he would meet his friend in a quiet restaurant or cafe to discuss his personal problems in private. Quite simply, it is easier for a person to tell the truth when communicating with one other individual. Consequently, we recommend that in most cases interviews should be conducted one-on-one, with only the investigator and suspect in the room.

There are exceptions to this guideline. Perhaps an investigator and his/her partner both want to be present during the interview. A male investigator may be interviewing a female sexual assault victim and, to protect against a false claim of misconduct, request that a female observer be present during the interview. In other cases, the suspect may not speak English requiring that an interpreter be involved during the interview. Finally, a parent, supervisor or union representative may want to be present during the interview or interrogation. Each of these circumstances will be discussed separately.

Partner, witness

The partner or witness should be seated behind, and to the side of the suspect. Second, the partner or witness should remain silent. They may take written notes, but should not interact with the suspect. The goal is to minimize the violation of privacy having a third person in the room presents, as illustrated in figure A:

Figure A

Interpreter

An interpreter should typically be positioned to one side of the investigator, with the investigator sitting directly in front of the subject, as illustrated in figure B. If the interpreter is personally acquainted with the subject, or the subject is hostile, the interpreter may be positioned behind the suspect, similar to the previous witness in figure A.

Figure B

The interpreter should be instructed to translate the investigator(s questions and the subject(s response to the questions word for word in first person. ("I wasn't there." versus "He said he wasn't there.") Specifically, the interpreter should be cautioned not to summarize either questions or responses. If the interpreter is not trustworthy, perhaps because of possible sympathy toward the subject, the investigator may explain that the entire interview will be electronically recorded and that the accuracy of the interpreter's translations will be checked by an objective third party. While this may not, in fact, be feasible such a statement may have the effect of more accurate translations.

Finally, the subject should be instructed to address the investigator when speaking. There will be a natural tendency for the subject to talk to the interpreter, since the interpreter is the person who asked the question. However, to properly evaluate the subject's nonverbal behaviors and to increase the deceptive subject's fear of detection (lying to the investigator rather than the interpreter), it is important that the subject direct his or her responses to the investigator.

At the beginning of the interview the subject should be politely admonished if he responds to the interpreter rather than the investigator, e.g,. "Armando, talk to me, not him." Once this pattern has been established, it could be a significant behavior symptom of deception if the subject, all of a sudden, addressed the interpreter rather than the investigator. This is similar to the witness in a courtroom looking to the defense attorney for help prior to responding to a threatening question asked by the prosecutor.

Parent, union representative

In the previous situations the third person in the interview room is beneficial to the investigator. However, this is not necessarily the case when the third person is an advocate for the suspect, such as a parent, human resource staff or a union representative. In those circumstance in which there is no legal requirement for the parent or company representative to be in the room, the investigator should meet with this individual in private and first try to persuade that person to not be present during the interview or interrogation. The following statement has been used effectively to accomplish this goal:

"I believe you and I have the same goal which is to identify whether or not (suspect) is involved in (issue). [Parent] If he is involved you certainly don't want him to think that he can get away with something like this and do worse things in the future, right? [Company Rep] If he is involved in this you owe it to the other employees in this company to discipline the proper person and not put all employees under a cloud of suspicion and have them subjected to greater scrutiny, right?

Let's assume, for a minute, that in fact (suspect) did commit this offense. Put yourself in his shoes. Do you think it would be easier for him to tell the truth with just me in the room? Of course it would be. Think back when you were young and did something wrong. Was it easier for you to tell the truth to just your mom or dad? Or did you want to be questioned in the presence of many people? Just your mom or dad, right. This is the same situation.

Let me learn what the truth is and then I will bring you into the room for you to hear the truth. At that point you may ask (your son) (employee) any questions you wish to. But let's work together in this matter to learn the truth by allowing me to first talk to him in private, alright?"

If the parent or company representative insists on being in the interview room during questioning, the investigator should have that individual sit in the witness chair illustrated in figure A. Second, the parent or company representative should be advised that they are only in the room to observe, and that if they speak and interrupt, the investigator will have no choice but to terminate the interview because of this interference.

During the interview or interrogation, if the parent or company representative does say or ask something the investigator should immediately advise the parent or company representative with a statement such as:

"Jim/Mary I just want to remind you that our agreement was that if you were in the room you would only observe and not interject yourself into the conversation . Correct? You are not keeping up your end of the bargain. If you continue to interrupt me I am terminating this interview because of your interference."

In conclusion, during most interviews and interrogations the investigator should be alone in the room with the suspect absent any legal requirement to do otherwise. If a third person is present as an observer or interpreter, specific procedures should be followed to minimize the violation of privacy this third person represents. If the third person is an advocate for the suspect the investigator should attempt to persuade that individual to remain outside the room. If that individual insists on being present during the interview, they should be cautioned to not interrupt the investigator.

Credit and Permission Statement:
Permission is hereby granted to those who wish to share or copy this article. In those instances, the following Credit Statement must be included "This Investigator Tip was developed by John E. Reid and Associates Inc. 800-255-5747 / www.reid.com." Inquiries regarding Investigator Tips should be directed to Janet Finnerty jfinnerty@reid.com.

Surviving a Career in Law Enforcement

It takes hard work and common sense

by Paul Cappitelli

As I venture into my 37th year of working in and around law enforcement, I'm reflecting upon my career journey. I am honored to have been a part of this most rewarding profession. Now retired, I perform consulting work on a part time basis and write occasional articles for police publications while enjoying the benefits of the public service pension system. Sadly, not everyone who started out with me was able to reach the career finish line for various reasons. Let’s explore the challenges of career survival.

Without argument, being a police officer today is a much different daily job experience than being a police officer 35 years ago. But as the saying goes, "some things never change." What remains the same is that there are hurdles, obstacles and barriers along the road to retirement today just as there were in the past.

Every police officer starts their journey from the same point of origin with the same type of academy training, the same type of equipment and the same ammunition allocation. But why is it that not all officers are able to reach the retirement destination with their health and pension intact? Sadly, the answer is oftentimes painfully obvious.

A small percentage of officers are injured and not able to return to their careers. An even smaller percentage make the ultimate sacrifice by paying with their life at the hands of ruthless cowardly criminals. For those who have been injured or have fallen in the line of duty, we pay our respect and homage for their sacrifice.

But the majority of other officers do not make it to a successful retirement because of self-inflicted mistakes. In some cases, those mistakes cost them their life. Not wearing a seatbelt, driving recklessly and/or too fast, not wearing body armor and not exercising caution along the roadway are right at the top of the list of self-destructive behaviors. Below 100 is clear in identifying these risks, yet year after year, dozens of officers nationwide continue to die or suffer career-ending injuries because they fail to embrace commonsense officer safety habits.

Ironically, another major reason an officer is derailed on the journey toward a successful retirement has nothing to do with the physical hazards of the job, but beyond the physical hazards lies another silent killer: unethical conduct. This is sometimes metaphorically referred to as "the ethical gunshot wound." These are the officers who say or do unethical or illegal things during the course of their career and are terminated and/or prosecuted. They are a disgrace to themselves, the public, their families and the profession as a whole. But who are they? What are their names? Unfortunately, every police officer reading this article knows who in their department is at risk of succumbing to an ethical gunshot wound. These people can be good cops in their ability to identify criminals and throw people in jail, but they have telltale signs of poor life choices and a track record of stepping over the line when they believe they can get away with it. The core of these misfits are not worthy of public trust, and yet they continue to live among us.

Officers who hide under the cloak of secrecy by protecting one another provide the ammunition for the ethical gunshot. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to stand up to unethical practices. Being ethical and obeying the law is a seemingly fundamental principal of a police officer, yet it is sometimes obscured by one's misguided belief that it's acceptable to veer off course.

Assess yourself. Take a few moments to read the Law Enforcement Code of Ethics. Pause after each line and ask yourself if you still adhere to these tenets. As a retired street cop, I can say with great certainty that living by this code will increase your chances of career survival exponentially and protect you from the greatest hazard of policing: yourself.

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